29 Brutally Hilarious Marriage Tweets That Belong On A T-Shirt Or Something

“48% of marriages end in Ikea.”

We rounded up some of the funniest recent marriage tweets we could find, and they made us laugh like no other:


Husband: you’re late

Me: would you believe me if I said it’s because I made a healthy breakfast and then went for a jog

Husband: No

Me: Fine, my pop-tart got stuck in the toaster

10:41 PM – 08 Oct 2021

Twitter: @reallifemommy3


My wife just keeps adding throw pillows to our bed that have to go on in a particular order and I feel like I’m playing some kind of high stakes Tetris where if I’m wrong I lose the house

06:10 PM – 11 Oct 2021

Twitter: @PoodleSnarf


I borrowed my husband’s truck. While I was out I saw his exact vehicle with a big dent in the side. I took a photo of it, texted it to him and simply wrote, “Oops”.

10:00 PM – 04 Oct 2021

Twitter: @3sunzzz


Marriage counselor: ok, let’s reflect on the last week’s session

Dracula: *snickering* I can’t reflect on anything

Dracula’s wife: are you even going to try and take this seriously?

07:29 PM – 06 Oct 2021

Twitter: @English_Channel


hubby wanted to know what i did while he exercises so instead of confessing i scroll my phone and eat snacks i said i was writing a novel so now i eat snacks and scroll my phone with my laptop open next to me

11:27 PM – 16 Sep 2021

Twitter: @mom_tho

If you think these married people are as hilarious as I do, be sure to follow them on Twitter!

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