31 Ruthlessly Hysterical Marriage Tweets That Are Way Funnier Than Should Ever Be Allowed

“Get married so that when you pour your heart out, someone is always there to say, ‘What?'”

Anyone who’s married can tell you that it’s full of ups, downs, and seriously hysterical in-betweens.

Well, we rounded up some of the funniest recent marriage tweets we could find, and they are funnier than should ever be allowed:


One of my favorite parts of marriage is when we separate and talk to different people at a social event, then download all the gossip to each other on the ride home.

01:09 PM – 05 Aug 2021

Twitter: @copymama


My husband lost a bet and has to wash the dishes for a month, and I just got a credit card alert that someone just spent $200 at Costco.

If that man walks in the door with $200 of paper goods, I’m making it 2 months.

04:27 PM – 13 Aug 2021

Twitter: @sixfootcandy


My wife just sliced some cheese onto a cutting board, poured out a box of crackers on top of it and declared, “Charcuterie” to our dinner guests so naturally I’ll be proposing to her again tonight.

11:50 PM – 20 Aug 2021

Twitter: @Dad_At_Law


My husband was snoring while napping on the couch so I nudged him to stop, then he woke up and immediately went into the kitchen and loudly ate a bowl of cereal. It was like a “most-hated sounds of marriage” compilation.

01:08 PM – 17 Aug 2021

Twitter: @copymama

If you think these married people are as funny as I do, be sure to follow them on Twitter!

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