33 Absolutely Hilarious Conversations Parents Have Actually Had With Their Kids


The coffee convo:

2y.o eating his lunch: “Papa’s coffee hot?”

Me: “Yeah baby it’s hot, don’t touch.”

2y.o: “Me blow on it for Papa?”

It was at this point I witnessed with horror, my 2y.o attempt to blow on my freshly made coffee, only to spit a half eaten chicken nugget straight into it..

02:09 PM – 28 Jan 2020

Twitter: @papaneedscoffee


The school convo:

my daughter asked why she can’t just quit school and i told her it’s against the law and they’ll put me in jail and my sweet sweet child looked me in the eye and said “i’ll visit you”

03:39 PM – 28 Jan 2021

Twitter: @ceciatl


The bat convo:

I bought my son a book about bats and halfway through it he shouted out, “WHAT??? BATS ARE REAL?!?!” All this time he thought they were made up for Halloween like ghosts and witches

01:43 AM – 16 Aug 2018

Twitter: @tragicallyhere


The bleach convo:

*Opens bottle of bleach*
Nephew : How did you open it? I tried but it didn’t open.
Me : Oh it’s coz it has a child safety lock. Children can’t open it.
*nephew looks at bottle in amazement*
Nephew : How did it know I was a child?


03:30 PM – 27 Nov 2018

Twitter: @azedi


The dinner convo:

3: Mommy, I don’t want dinner!!

Me: I’m not making dinner, I’m making you a big snack

3: Yay! Snacks!

𝗙𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝗺𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗲𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗸𝗶𝗱𝘀

09:20 PM – 01 Oct 2020

Twitter: @kids_kubed


The toast convo:

Toddler: Daddy I want toast.

Me: ok, buddy. Here’s some toast.

Toddler: I don’t like butter on my toast

Me: (flips toast over to the dry side and hands it back) There ya go.

Toddler: Thanks Daddy!

Toddlers are dumb. Take advantage of it while you can.


04:57 PM – 23 Jan 2019

Twitter: @twinzerdad


The smell convo:

9-year old: Dad smell this. You licked a puss.

Me: [mutes TV] what

9-year old: it’s so good. Smell it. You licked a puss.

Me: …

9-year old: [hands me a candle jar]

Me. It’s *eucalyptus*

03:56 PM – 17 Dec 2017

Twitter: @ramzy


The souvenir convo:

@Karnythia I woke up to 3 yo kid #4 petting my head. I asked what she needed and she said ‘i wish i had a piece of you that i could carry with me all the time. like your finger.’ Haven’t slept soundly since.

12:08 AM – 28 Jan 2018

Twitter: @mmbtox


The inside convo:

4: Mom, how long was dad inside you?


4: Mom???

Me: What the f-

4: Well??? How long was he inside you before you had him?

Me: Oh honey no I didn’t birth your dad, grandma did!

09:56 PM – 05 Sep 2020

Twitter: @mom_tho


The crying convo:

(4yo daughter is crying her eyes out)

Me: “What’s wrong, tutu?”

4yo (moving her hands on the sofa): “If my fingers were markers they would ruin the sofa!”

Me: “But your fingers…are not…markers?”

4yo (peak distress): “I said IF!”

01:00 PM – 31 Jul 2020

Twitter: @tomerullman


The table convo:

Kids are the best, man. They get all shocked when you figure out they did something wrong like, “mom how’d you know I colored on the table?” Um, because you wrote your fucking name on it?

10:00 PM – 17 Jan 2019

Twitter: @Fiveoclockmommy


The glasses convo:

We cant find my 6 year olds glasses. Today we asked him where they are. He said and I quote “I threw them in the garbage yesterday, the lenses were dirty”.

$400 – see yeah!

02:15 AM – 02 Jan 2020

Twitter: @jessemodz


The quesadilla convo:


The air convo:

My son keeps grabbing fists of air and screaming ‘mine’. My daughter is crying saying Tj is stealing my air….they are in my bedroom, on a Saturday morning….😪😪😪

07:32 AM – 07 Jul 2018

Twitter: @knowbuntu


And the confetti convo:

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