Heres Your Much Needed Explainer For Those Stuck On “Couch Guy” TikTok

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Posted 39 minutes ago

Broke: berries and cream & good soup. Woke: couch guy & salmon girl.

Well alas, I’m yearning for the simpler times of the little lad who loves berries and cream because now I am stuck in the hellscape that is “couch guy” TikTok.

ICYMI, TikTok youth Lauren Zarras posted this video of her surprising her long-distance boyfriend, Robbie (AKA couch guy), to her feed a few weeks ago:

And changed the world as we know it.

I, along with many other gen-zennials, consider myself somewhat of a social media sleuth™, however, you don’t need 20/20 vision to see that something SUS is happening on this couch:


@laurenzarras / Via tiktok.com

For legal reasons, I cannot definitively say whether or not couch guy is cheating, BUT I can point out how ODD it is that, immediately upon seeing your long-distance girlfriend after an unknown amount of time apart, if your first instinct isn’t to hop off the couch you’re sitting on with three other girls and hug your girlfriend with all your might…that is sus behavior. 

The main point of contention is this moment on the couch when Robbie does some slight-of-hand action to retrieve his cell phone from one of these couch girls:


@laurenzarras / Via tiktok.com

A picture is worth a thousand words…and I have TWO! 

Since then, the internet has run WILD and RAMPANT with their theories, most of them agreeing that couch boy is not worthy of Lauren’s love and affection:

You know things are messy when CELEBRITIES AND BRANDS ARE GETTING INVOLVED!

Like, if the mighty fine Rome Flynn (who you may know from How to Get Away With Murder or Dear White People) is in your comments, you better dump your bf and HIT HIM UP!


@romeflynn / TikTok

“When you didn’t really want to sell the item but the buyer is thanking you in the dms” DEPOP 💀💀💀!

In all seriousness, this has started a DISCOURSE on the internet and we’re all along for the ride, whether we want to be or not:

“That poor girl just wanted to visit her boyfriend in college and I’m pretty sure she upset the space/time continuum. She opened a fucking worm hole…”

As funny as the jokes are, there are some people out there who are looking out for Lauren and are tying to provide good life advice, like Liene Stevens:

“This video is for Lauren. Lauren, I don’t want to talk about this boy on the couch, except to say that there are worst things than being single. I want to talk about these girls on the couch because these girls are not your friends. Before you say, ‘Oh, you don’t even know them,’ I know them. We ALL know them. It’s one of the reasons why your video resonated so much with, at the time, 34 million people. Because we’ve all had ‘friends’ like this in our lives. They should have been jumping up in line to give you a hug the minute you walked in the door. They should not be sitting there embarrassed that you walked in the room — because real friends will hype you up when you’re in the room and will hype you up when you’re not in the room. I’m going to tell you something that a therapist once told me…’People stay in hell because the street signs are familiar.'”

But still, the jokes reign supreme:

In a turn of events, #couchguy issued a TikTok press release about his behavior:


@souljawatchambassador / Via tiktok.com

The internet is, in a word, unimpressed.

And Lauren commented on her original video, defending their relationship:


@laurenzarras / TikTok

…Imma just leave this one here. 

You know you’re a true trend when you’ve transcended social media platforms:

Looks like we’re here for a long time, but not a good time:

If you need me, I’ll be living my best life scrolling through “couch guy” slander TikTok for the rest of the day.

09:21 PM – 01 Oct 2021


Twitter: @MissRBaller

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