Broke: berries and cream & good soup. Woke: couch guy & salmon girl.
Well alas, I’m yearning for the simpler times of the little lad who loves berries and cream because now I am stuck in the hellscape that is “couch guy” TikTok.
I, along with many other gen-zennials, consider myself somewhat of a social media sleuth™, however, you don’t need 20/20 vision to see that something SUS is happening on this couch:
@laurenzarras / Via tiktok.com
For legal reasons, I cannot definitively say whether or not couch guy is cheating, BUT I can point out how ODD it is that, immediately upon seeing your long-distance girlfriend after an unknown amount of time apart, if your first instinct isn’t to hop off the couch you’re sitting on with three other girls and hug your girlfriend with all your might…that is sus behavior.
The main point of contention is this moment on the couch when Robbie does some slight-of-hand action to retrieve his cell phone from one of these couch girls:
@laurenzarras / Via tiktok.com
A picture is worth a thousand words…and I have TWO!
Since then, the internet has run WILD and RAMPANT with their theories, most of them agreeing that couch boy is not worthy of Lauren’s love and affection:
You know things are messy when CELEBRITIES AND BRANDS ARE GETTING INVOLVED!
Like, if the mighty fine Rome Flynn (who you may know from How to Get Away With Murder or Dear White People) is in your comments, you better dump your bf and HIT HIM UP!
@romeflynn / TikTok
But still, the jokes reign supreme:
In a turn of events, #couchguy issued a TikTok press release about his behavior:
@souljawatchambassador / Via tiktok.com
The internet is, in a word, unimpressed.
And Lauren commented on her original video, defending their relationship:
@laurenzarras / TikTok
…Imma just leave this one here.
You know you’re a true trend when you’ve transcended social media platforms:
Looks like we’re here for a long time, but not a good time:
If you need me, I’ll be living my best life scrolling through “couch guy” slander TikTok for the rest of the day.
Twitter: @MissRBaller
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